I would like to apologize in advance for this post, which is very long. I hope to trim down the word count in future trip reports, or perhaps break it up into days, but I am leaving this one as is – in spite of certain warnings I have received about nobody wanting to read long posts. Thank you, and again, I’m sorry.

One of the primary reasons The Wandering Moose and I brought this blog back to life was to post trip reports of our vacations. We are big fans of travel, although in our current financial situation that means we are big fans of watching the Travel Channel. I would love to go with T.W. Moose on a historic and cultural tour of northern Europe, or take a multi-month Camera Safari through as much of Africa as possible (See our last post for a more detailed breakdown). However, we are still on a young, married couple’s mac-and-cheese budget, so instead we plan scenic road trips through Central Utah on our way to visit her dad (don’t laugh – it’s a blast and we have done it three years running now). This is why two of our current favorite places are within a reasonable distance to our home in Kearns, Utah; and relatively low-cost.

The two destinations in question are Yellowstone National Park and Disneyland. I am not sure which of the two is my very favorite, although I have pondered the question often. At the moment I would say Yellowstone is at the top of my list, although it is close. I cannot even begin to guess for T.W. Moose (her favorite may be Hawaii, actually), but I know she is also a fan of both.

[Quick Note: I would also like to add that I am not complaining about our opportunities in any way. We are very fortunate to travel as often as we do, which is frequently at the generosity of others. My Mom and Dad have been overwhelming in that vein - and without them we would not have been on most of our favorite vacations. T.W. Moose and I look forward to taking them to amazing places in the future. We are more lucky and blessed than we deserve, and we try to be properly grateful for those things. Thank you for indulging me and whatever is left of my conscience - I will now return to the self-congratulation that encapsulates my part of this blog.]

We go to Yellowstone for the scenery and unique landscape, of course, but our primary goal is to see the abundant and sometimes elusive wildlife. Part of what makes it such a special destination is the astounding variety it offers. America’s First National Park is a world class destination for geyser gazers, wildlife watchers, hikers, backpackers, and fisherpersons (fisherpeople?), to name a few. I would guess most people come for the geothermal features, which is a great reason, and one of my favorite things to do as well.

We try to go about once a year, and planned a quick trip there with my Mom and Dad for the first weekend in June. All four of us were experienced animal spotters (there is more of a talent to it than one might think), and we had a good general idea of both where we wanted to look, and what time we wanted to be there.

June 5, 2008

The adventure began at my Mom and Dad’s house in the late afternoon of June 5th. It was a Thursday, and we planned to be gone from that evening through to Sunday evening. We picked up T.W. Moose early from work and hit the road just after 5:00 - hoping to get ahead of the worst part of the traffic.

There are several ways to drive from Salt Lake City to Yellowstone, although we typically choose either of the two main routes. The first and most common for our family vacations in the modern era is to drive north on I-15 until Idaho Falls, then jump onto US Highway 20 and continue through Island Park until the terminus at West Yellowstone, Montana. It is a very simple and straightforward drive, although not very scenic in the traditional sense until after Ashton, Idaho. It also takes about 6 hours to accomplish, not including various stops.

The other sensible route meanders north along the Utah/Wyoming border, cuts through the amazing Star Valley, and drops into the very fashionable Jackson, Wyoming. This is a much more scenic road, particularly after Jackson, as it then passes through Grand Teton National Park on the way to the South Entrance of Yellowstone. When we have used that route in the past we have continued through the park to the West Entrance and West Yellowstone, where we like to stay. This is a 9 to 10 hour drive, not counting stops.

We had already decided to take the first route, but with an unorthodox twist. Because of the late hour we would be stopping for the night in Idaho Falls, and then continue up to Yellowstone the next day. We had driven straight through many times before, but this seemed like a nice opportunity to do two-thirds of the drive on the first day and then it would be a short couple of hours to the park in the morning. So, with that itinerary in mind we pointed the hood north to begin fighting our way through the traffic.

The Salt Lake/Davis County/Ogden traffic snarl was not quite as bad as I had feared, and before long we were in the clear and headed for the Idaho border. Soon enough we reached Downey, Idaho, and stopped at a family tradition: The Flags West Truck Stop.

Downey itself is a quiet little town of 650 people that is several miles off the interstate road. Flags West Truck Stop is on the freeway exit for Downey, and while technically a part of the town, you can’t see the rest any other buildings from there. We like to stop and eat here at least once per Yellowstone vacation. I am not sure how long it has been a tradition for us (I was much more unobservant as a child), but I would hazard a guess that it has been in the 20-25 year range.

Flags West has not changed much that I can remember. Like many truck stops it is divided into half a restaurant and half a mini-mart style convenience store. It is set on a rise in the middle of sagebrush flats in southeastern Idaho, which makes it a target destination for miles around. The men’s restrooms (which are generally “clean enough” although have never been “sparkling” when I am there) have condom machines mounted on the wall near the urinals, which were the first of their kind I had ever seen, and much more interesting to me at age 12 than they are now. Directly outside of the restrooms are several shelves of convenient knick-knacks for the truckers and a collection of typical souvenirs for the tourists. The restaurant has about a dozen vinyl-seated booths in the main room and several rows of tables in the banquet area.

I should mention by way of explanation that my personal rating system for dining establishments is flawed from the inset. Food and dining experiences are an essential part of my travel and vacationing fun (more than they probably ought to be, if I’m being honest), so the location, the ambiance, the mood, and especially the company play as important parts as the meal itself. I can’t imagine a self-respecting “foodie” even acknowledging this dot on the map in the middle of a desolate stretch of Idaho; but because I am on the way to my favorite vacation destination with my favorite traveling companions (T.W. Moose and my parents), it will get a higher score.

With that disclaimer in mind, I would happily award the Flags West Truck Stop Diner 4 out of 5 stars, and it has been that consistently good since I can remember. It is standard greasy-spoon fare, where they serve breakfast any time and it’s often the best choice on the menu. I went with the Super Willie burger, which is a typical excellent diner hamburger turned sublime by the addition of a slice of ham and a fried egg. The egg is an indulgence I learned about while I was in Sweden, and highly recommended to anyone who has never tried it and can get a permission slip from their cardiologist. Other delicacies around our table were chicken fried steak, pancakes, bacon (perfectly cooked, according to T.W. Moose), hash browns, and fantastic, dinner-plate sized fry bread (which we often call “scones” in Utah and Idaho, which is a little odd, because they are very different from proper scones).

We arrived in Idaho Falls an hour later, our hearts still palpitating from the cholesterol overload, and settled into our rooms at the Best Western Driftwood. The rooms were not much different from any chain motel, meaning they were clean and pleasant without being spectacular. We had hoped for adjoining rooms, and although they couldn’t accommodate that request, we were told that our rooms were “right across from each other.” We soon discovered this meant they were on opposite sides of the small parking lot, but it was, technically, directly across from each other. My mom and dad’s room smelled strongly of tobacco smoke and someone had left the bathroom heat light on in ours, but we shrugged off the inconsequential details and settled in for a good night’s sleep. We were getting started early the next day.

June 6, 2008

I slept terribly that night, waking up 30,000 times (an estimate - I didn’t actually count) and finding the bed uncomfortable through the duration. This was not a very good sign, considering I was the designated chauffeur, but we had plenty of drivers in the car in case I began to get drowsy. We pointedly ignored the alarm at 6:15, as well as the snoozes at 6:22 and 6:29. At 6:36 we jumped up and started running around so we could meet Mom and Dad at 6:45. By a miracle of physics I managed to squeeze a shower, dressing and hurried repacking of my bag into nine minutes. T.W. Moose did well with her hair care and morning preparations, and we were only a minute late for the rendezvous.

The continental breakfast at the motel was unremarkable (1 ½ stars) save for the extra concentrated apple juice, which I ended up drinking and enjoying in a strange way. It tasted dangerous, somehow. Like when you mix two flavors that don’t quite go together and will probably end up making you sick, but it’s just interesting enough that you keep eating or drinking it anyway. Other people do that, right? It’s not just me? Anyway, I did not get sick, and we soon found ourselves on Highway 20 headed toward Island Park and Yellowstone.

The weather began to turn for the worse as we were driving through Ashton and up onto the caldera. We had been watching the forecasts and were prepared for rain and snow showers. Although it was June, Yellowstone Park is high mountain country and it can snow any month of the year there. We figured we may see a few flakes and a few raindrops, but nothing significant; and it could even improve the animal spotting. It was quite cold for that time of the year - about 40 degrees Fahrenheit - when we made it to West Yellowstone.

Our favorite place to stay in West Yellowstone is the One Horse Motel, which I have mentioned before on this blog. Nick and Becky are the proprietors, and it is located in the middle of the town, across from the city park. It is a fairly basic establishment - there is no swimming pool or espresso bar for those who like the extras. But the rooms are always spotless, with comfortable beds and a ton of charm. I am not sure whether this next tidbit indicates how great the One Horse is or how goofy we are, but we like it so much that T.W. Moose and I have Nick and Becky on our Christmas card list.

We dropped off a few bags and headed for the West Entrance of Yellowstone, which is about three blocks away from the One Horse. For those who have never been, Yellowstone is a very big place. It comprises 3,472 square miles (or 2,219,789 acres, which I wrote here because I couldn’t decide which one sounded more impressive) with just over 300 miles of paved roads. The roads make a large figure-eight, providing access to the famous thermal features, canyons, waterfalls, and vistas. Five additional roads come off either the Upper Loop or the Lower Loop to meet five separate entrances into the park. We rarely venture too far away from these main areas, although T.W. Moose and I have hiked to several different lakes and waterfalls in past trips. For this one, though, we were looking mostly for wildlife, and would be staying on the main paths.

High water was our first impression of the park. The Madison River meadows were flooded, so the bison and elk we often see there were either standing on high spots - islands of grass in the water - or were up to their knees as they browsed for food. Dad spotted a bald eagle high in a tree along the Madison, which we watched at a respectful distance for a few minutes and imagined it was studying the river for morning breakfast. I took it as a good omen to start the day.

We decided to visit the more popular Lower Loop first, which would include a stop to pay our respects to the most famous geyser in the world: Old Faithful. The road between Madison Junction and Old Faithful has the largest concentrations of geyser basins in the park, and although we did not stop at any of them during this particular trip, we have often in the past. Instead we continued to the Old Faithful junction and drove around until we found the Lodge, where we went inside to watch the namesake erupt.

The Old Faithful complex is a confusing cluster of buildings. There are several different stores, along with a lodge, a ranger station, and an inn, which are all significant places, and each of those has a store, as well (it is the ranger station, I believe, that has recently been torn down and is being rebuilt). There is a snow inn for winter visitors, complete with its own store and cafeteria, but is also open year-round. In fact, when we did the same basic trip last year with T.W. Moose’s mom and stepdad, we almost literally stumbled into yet another store that I had never even seen before, but had been there for decades. I have been to Old Faithful many times in my life, but I still have an incomplete picture of where all the pieces are in relation to each other. Something about the place simply skews my sense of spatial reasoning. The same phenomenon is also true for me with the city of Las Vegas, for reasons I don’t understand.

After wandering around the store in the Old Faithful Lodge we got back on the road, continuing counter-clockwise on the Lower Loop. There was still a great deal of snow on the side hills, and we could see storm clouds lurking in the distance, but we knew it rains nearly every afternoon in Yellowstone anyway, even in the dry summer months. A little precipitation was expected.

The snow did give us something to look at, though, along the stretch of road that goes from Old Faithful to Fishing Bridge. We rarely, if ever, see wildlife along there, and the scenery only changes when we come down from the Continental Divide and drive along the enormous Yellowstone Lake. The lake is impressive, of course, but after the first few minutes of shoreline the passengers in the vehicle are finally lulled to sleep by the seemingly repetitive vistas, beautiful though they may be, and the driver is left to contemplate the road in silence.

We did break up the Lake stretch of road by stopping for a picnic lunch in a turnout. We ate in the car because of high, cold winds that none of us wanted to endure. We had forgotten to bring a loaf of bread for our turkey or bologna sandwiches, but we found one in the Grant Village store, which had a modest selection of food items. The bread was just about at the end of its usable shelf-life, but the travel and the clean mountain air had given us all an appetite (as Cervantes writes in Don Quixote: “Hunger is the best sauce in the world.”). I am not sure how to rate our picnic lunch, but I will go with 2 ½ stars because it was in the park, although all we really could see were a lot of lodgepole pine trees. It was a welcome meal, at any rate.

Our next stop after lunch was the Fishing Bridge General Store, which is one of our favorite stores in the park. If it has not become obvious from the narrative, we like to stop in these places and look around. I don’t often buy things, but I do enjoy browsing, and T.W. Moose shares my interest. She sometimes finds little items to add to her collections (namely keychains, decks of cards, and bags; and we both collect pins), but for the most part, it’s the fun of looking that draws us to the stores.

While in the Fishing Bridge store we noticed that the snow had begun in earnest, and cars coming from both the East Entrance Road and around the Lower Loop had snow packed grills. None of us had ever been in Yellowstone during the winter, and while T.W. Moose and I had been in snow once, it hadn’t been much more than a few modest flakes. We finished our shopping and headed out, first down the East Entrance road as far as Mary Bay (a beautiful bay of Yellowstone Lake where Mom and Dad had seen a grizzly bear before), then doubling back to continue along the Lower Loop road. We were still unconcerned about the weather.

Soon enough we began approaching the Hayden Valley, which is along much of the eastern quarter of the Lower Loop road. There had been no letup to the snow, and in fact it seemed we were moving deeper into the storm. Hayden Valley is a large, open grassland surrounding the Yellowstone River where bison like to congregate. It is also a haven for the park’s other animals, and over the years we have seen elk, moose, coyotes, and black bears there - among others. We often see the bison right on the roadway, and with a car full of capable spotters it was very likely we would see something else, as well.

As it turned out, we saw snow. With no trees to break up the wind it began piling snow on the road and became a near-whiteout through the Hayden Valley. We did pull into the Mud Volcano area (which has some interesting thermal features) after noticing a few bison covered in snow and we wanted to take a picture of them. The park was quite busy that day, and in spite of the serious snow there was a bus full of tourists looking at the massive animals, as well. One of the tourists had been coming down a boardwalk stairway from looking at other thermal features when a bison stepped right across the walk, not 20 feet in front of him. It was a tense situation, in spite of the seeming placidity of the bison. After a few moments the animal turned and took a few running steps toward the man, who scrambled off the boardwalk and tried to hide behind a small sapling. The bison, satisfied or amused by the display, turned back and started wandering to where his fellows stood. The tourist quickly made his way back to the bus (we took wagers on whether he had to change his pants) and we all continued down the road.

The snow was frustrating on several levels as we carefully paralleled the big river. First, it made the roads quite treacherous, regardless of how fast we were going. We slipped quite a bit in the corners in spite of the all-wheel drive system on our Hyundai Santa Fe. Second, and somewhat less critical, we couldn’t see the animals. Since the bald eagle on the Madison River that morning we really had not spotted much of anything out of the ordinary except the snow. Not that I wish to take the endangered bison for granted, but the casual visitor sees a lot of them. We wanted to see a greater variety.

After a long while we made it out of the Hayden Valley and into some trees, where the shelte made for easier driving. Our next stop was the Canyon area, where we wanted to take Mom and Dad through the new Canyon Visitor Education Center, which has an incredible interactive map (I have a minor obsession with maps) and very interesting displays. Upon arriving, however, we found that the storm had knocked out most of their power. They had enough to run the heating, the bathrooms, and to nobody’s surprise, the store. The rest of the museum was dark, and they had no idea when they would be able to get it running. My dad, who is a Master Electrician (that’s his actual degree, not just a cool-sounding nickname), told us that they had probably lost a phase (and we nodded, even though we only had the vaguest idea what that meant) and so we shouldn’t expect them to have it running any time soon. Disappointed, we climbed back into the car and continued down the road.

We drove across a high, snowy pass in the middle of the figure-eight road, dropping down into lower elevations where the snow had been mostly rain. Better still, the sun was peeking out from the storm clouds by then, and we suddenly found ourselves reinvigorated. Rather than continuing out of the park, as we had thought, we decided to drive up the west quarter of the Upper Loop, which led from Norris Junction to Mammoth. We always see interesting animals along that stretch, as it has prominent high mountain meadows and abundant water. We drove all the way up to the highest meadows before the road drops into Mammoth Hot Springs, and saw a few more elk, but nothing like we were hoping.

There is a stretch of road along that part of the park full of beaver dams and willows, which is considered ideal habitat for moose. As I have mentioned before in this blog, T.W. Moose’s favorite animal is (surprise!) the noble moose, so finding one is a significant goal for us. We like to keep a list of the animals we see, and for the past few years, the moose has been the most difficult to add to the list. With that goal in mind we trolled along that stretch, focused and intent on finding something. We said things like “you just think you would see a moose out there” every few minutes.

However, it just was not going to happen that day.

A bit disappointed, we turned down the western curve of the Lower Loop until we reached the Madison Junction and drove out of the park. It would have been wrong to call it a bad day, but it did not live up to our expectations. We all had experienced something new in the snow storm, and that would make for a good story later, but we were still a bit wound up by the white-knuckle drive. Actually, to be fair, perhaps it was only me that was still wound-up from that part of the drive. Regardless, we were all tired and ready to be done with our first day. As we drove into West Yellowstone I had a dull headache, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.

We arrived back at the One Horse Motel and went to our separate rooms (right next to each other, unlike at the Driftwood) to freshen up for dinner. My freshening was accomplished by flopping onto the bed and making comfortable grunting noises every few seconds. T.W. Moose went into the bathroom and closed the door, I think in part because my noises were irritating her. About 15 minutes later we met to go eat dinner at another of our favorite places in West Yellowstone.

Three Bear Restaurant (or “The Three Bears,” as we like to call it) is another common stop during Yellowstone Park trips for the Nelson clan, and may very well have saved the vacation for me that evening. That is my opinion in part because we had great food and refreshing caffeinated beverages, but mostly because I felt so good after the meal was done and had some fuel in my furnace again. I had a fantastic open-faced roast beef sandwich and T.W. Moose had a french dip sandwich, which each earned an easy 4 stars from both of us. We cruised back to the One Horse feeling contented and even optimistic about the next day.

June 7, 2008

I did not sleep well again for half of that night, despite having been up early and driving all day, which is tiring in a way (not tiring like digging ditches all day, but it takes a toll). Around 2:00 AM I got out of bed to use the bathroom and in the course of stumbling back I saw my socks on the floor near my shoes. Still in that unthinking half-sleep daze, and not entirely sure why, I put my socks back on and crawled into bed. The next thing I knew it was morning, the alarm was ringing, and I had enjoyed a sound, refreshing rest. I was so excited for the discovery that I told the story three or four times that day.

Breakfast that morning was McDonald’s (2 ½ stars - I am a fan of McBreakfast), which we ate on the road as we began our final day in the park. We saw the bald eagle again, in the exact same tree on the Madison River, and T.W. Moose made a great spot of a different, juvenile bald eagle in a tree very soon after. We started to feel a different energy about the day.

We decided to try the Canyon Visitor Education Center again, but the power was still off when we got there. So we detoured to nearby Artist’s Point where we could view the iconic Lower Falls of the Yellowstone River. The road from Canyon to Tower Falls over Dunraven Pass was also closed because of snow, so we drove back to Norris Junction and then down the west quarter of the Upper Loop to Mammoth.

Although we had been disappointed along this stretch of road the day before, we soon came across a big “animal traffic jam.” It ended up being for a grizzly bear on a distant slope, and T.W. Moose and Dad saw a brief glimpse of it before it disappeared into a thick stand of trees.

Sighting one of the rare or high-profile animals in Yellowstone almost always creates these animal traffic jams, so it is always a bit thrilling to come around a corner and see a cluster of cars and people out taking pictures. The park provides obvious and stern warnings about approaching wild animals in the park, but the excitement of seeing something like a bear always creates genuine idiots out of some people.

I mention this because we saw our first elk calf of the trip once we got to Mammoth Hot Springs. We were watching from the car at a respectful distance when an older man with a point-and-shoot camera traipsed up close enough that he managed to block our view and scare the elk cow and calf away. We rolled our eyes and muttered curses, and then continued on.

From Mammoth we took the spur up to the North Entrance so we could see the Roosevelt Arch. We took a few pictures of the arch with dark storm clouds behind it, which made for great photos, but also signaled the beginning of more bad weather. We never quite saw anything to match the intensity of the snow in Hayden Valley the day before, but we chased storms for most of the day. We jumped in the car and headed back to Mammoth, passing small groups of pronghorns on the road.

Along the northern part of the Upper Loop we found our next animal traffic jam. Our pattern for evaluating these traffic jams is always the same (as I suspect it is for many people): as soon as we notice the clustered cars, we start looking for the cause so we can decide whether we want to stop or not. However, before we saw the animals we saw a park ranger monitoring the situation, which is almost always a good sign for animal watchers. We found a spot to pull over the car and began looking. Right away we all saw a coyote running around in the bottom of a little depression, which was fun to see, but hardly worth the major jam and the park ranger. While we were puzzling at this, Mom cried out: “There are babies!” and we started spotting little, wriggling balls of fluff.

The coyote pups came tearing across the depression toward the adult coyote we had seen at first, followed by another adult coyote that had been with the pups. The second adult approached the first adult in a very submissive posture, low on its stomach and ears back. The first coyote sniffed at the second one, and must have given some sign of acceptance because the second coyote suddenly leaped up and began prancing around with the pups. At once, all the coyotes put their heads back and began to howl, as if they were all so happy to see each other that they couldn’t help themselves. It was one of the most amazing, even moving things I have ever seen during a trip to Yellowstone. Even now, as I’m writing this a month after we returned, I can remember the chills I got listening to the chorus of coyotes. We moved on shortly after so others could take our place and share the same experiences.

Not long we arrived at Roosevelt Junction and continued on to Tower Falls. T.W. Moose and I walked down to see the eponymous falls, which is a short stroll of 150 yards. Tower Falls was beautiful, as always, and as full of water as I had ever seen it. While at the overlook we saw a bighorn sheep with a lamb negotiating a thin trail on a hillside not far away. The second day was already much better than the first.

From Tower we went back to Roosevelt Junction and took the spur road that leads out to the Northeast Entrance. Not long after we found another animal jam, this time for another grizzly bear. We pulled off the road where we could still have a good viewing angle of the bear and made leftover sandwiches for lunch (identical 2 ½ stars from the day before). We could tell the grizzly was very large even though he had to be nearly 600 yards away. He (big, awesome bears are always “he” in my book - unless they have cubs, of course) was busy tearing up the ground for grubs, and ambling along the side of a hill. We watched as we finished off the bologna and then moved on, soon entering the Lamar Valley, which was our primary reason for going this way.

The Lamar Valley may be the best place in the entire park to see wildlife, although the animals are often distant and can require patience and powerful binoculars to see. We have never been there that we failed to see wildlife, even if simply the ubiquitous bison or elk. We often stop to scan the hills across the Lamar River for bears and wolves, which can often be seen in the valley.

As Dad and I glassed the hillside it seemed like every place we would stop we saw more animals. They were nearly always elk or bison, but the sheer volume of animals was astounding. In the bottom of the valley we could see a bison carcass, and a helpful fellow animal watcher told us wolves had been before the most recent storm moved in. In their stead we could see jet black ravens hopping around and picking the bones clean. A few bald eagles had also descended to pick with the ravens, which was interesting to see.

On the other end of the Lamar Valley we found another animal jam. We were told that a pack of wolves had crossed the road minutes before and were busy settling themselves in the trees on the other side. We watched for a minute and I even managed to spot a quick, dark shape as it darted into the undergrowth. Right after that we heard the wolves barking and imagined they were playing with their pups, as they coyotes had been earlier.

The rest of the Lamar Valley was uneventful, although we were on high alert after all of the previous encounters. We made it back to Roosevelt, where we went up to the lodge for dinner. The Roosevelt Lodge was built a century ago when Theodore Roosevelt came to Yellowstone for one of his many trips here. It has been converted into a restaurant and bar, and it one of our favorite places to eat because of the setting and the ambience, and because the food is almost always good. I had a 4 star plate of barbecued beef brisket, while others at our table enjoyed fried chicken and pasta alfredo.

We decided to start driving out of the park from there, as it would take us several hours to get from Roosevelt to the West Entrance. Near Mammoth we came across our next animal jam, although this one was moving slowly down the road. Bison will sometimes mosey down the roads, unconcerned about the impatient drivers around them, so we began guessing that was the case. At last, we discovered it had been a black bear walking parallel with the road, and the lead car was idling along, keeping time with the bear. This meant that one car got a great, long look at the bear walking, but the 50 or 60 cars behind them - each of whom would have liked to see the bear - missed it entirely. The selfishness and disregard of the people in the lead car bothered me for hours afterward.

Not long afterward we came upon yet another animal jam in the ideal moose habitat area described earlier. This was the biggest jam we had seen yet, and we felt certain this had to be the long-awaited moose. We found a half of a spot to park and T.W. Moose and Dad jumped out to see what was going on. Mom and I stayed with the car, mostly so we could move it if the occasion required. Whatever was there was not immediately obvious, and we kept watching with great interest from the car.

As it turns out, all the excitement was over a pair of beavers… 50 pound rodents that chew down trees. Granted, most of the people congregated for the same reasons we did: we thought there would be a big, impressive animal like a moose. But instead a nature photographer had spotted a pair of beavers and hauled his humongous camera out to start snapping. Passersby saw the gear, assumed the best, and quickly followed suit. Now, beavers are also very reticent animals and rarely seen, so to animal aficionados like we had in our car it was exciting to see them. I’m sure plenty of those who stopped were just as interested, as well. But it was a bit anti-climactic.

Dusk was just beginning to dim the sky as we passed by Norris. Moose country had come and gone without a sighting, but we were still looking. Just before the junction we came upon what would be our last animal jam of the trip, and in some ways the most unexpected.

It was a lone wolf trotting along the road looking for its dinner. Becoming a true lone wolf, if that is what this was, is a bad situation for these very social animals. As is the case when wolves have been drummed out of their packs, it was scrawny and probably very old for a wolf: it looked to be in pretty poor shape. The wolf’s coat was very dark, black for the most part, and seemed to be living its miserable pack-less existence more like a scavenging coyote than a proper, hunting wolf. The wolf drew parallel with our car - not more than 10 yards away from us. We took a few pictures and moved on, not wanting to make the same mistake as we had seen before.

Further down the road between Madison Junction and West Yellowstone we came across another cow and calf elk. We guessed the calf could have been born that same day, as it was easily the smallest we had seen and it followed its mother on shaky, spindly legs. At one point the calf, seized by a sudden curiosity, moved up a hill toward the road as if it was going to try crossing it. Before any of us could get too nervous about that prospect its mother gave a low grunt and it went stumbling back to the protection of her legs.

On the last stretch of road during our last evening in the park we were still holding out hope of the elusive moose, but it was not to be for this trip. We did see one last coyote, which could very well have just popped out of the trees just to bid us farewell, considering how quickly it came and left. It was a fitting way to end a very short and eventful weekend in Yellowstone. My mom calls it “Commando Style” vacationing, which is a perfect way to describe our efforts to cram maximum fun in a minimum of time. And yes, T.W. Moose and I both giggle to ourselves about “going commando” while on vacation whenever she says it. But it’s far too clever a comment on my mom’s part for us to say anything about that.

Back in West Yellowstone I indulged in another personal tradition: Wild West Pizzeria. It is the best pizza I have eaten in West Yellowstone (and there are more choices than you may guess), and could very well be the best pizza I have eaten, ever. I know the location has a lot to do with my enjoyment of their pizza: I am in our favorite One Horse Motel after a day spent in my favorite vacation destination. But I have also eaten it cold once we are back home, and enjoyed it every bit as much. As unexpected as this may sound, one of the world’s best pizza joints (4 ½ stars) is tucked into a small building on a back corner of West Yellowstone, Montana.

June 8, 2008

I don’t have much to write about this day. We checked out of the hotel, did a little shopping, and drove home. We did have breakfast at The Outpost Restaurant (2 ½ stars), who did a decent job of biscuits and gravy. The rest of the day was spent either in the car or at Flags West again (4 stars), where we made a rare double appearance. After that it was just a few short hours until we started seeing familiar outposts of the Wasatch Front, and then we were home.

It was a very unusual vacation in many ways. We had a unique first day in the park followed by an amazing second day, and in spite of the white-knuckle driving and the very few animal sightings, I expect the four of us will remember this trip for years to come. The variety of experiences is certainly one thing that a vacation to Yellowstone has over many other destinations. Each trip is different, even if only in small ways. The thrill moments are not guaranteed, and will almost always surprise you when they do come. That is why I am proud to declare, once and for all, that Yellowstone National Park is my favorite vacation destination in the world.

Well, at least until September when we go down to Disneyland. I will keep you posted.

The Wandering Moose and I have decided to try a new idea in posting to the DFO. We have noted that some of our favorite conversations take place in e-mail we send each other, and thought that could be a possible medium for interesting, post-able discussion. To that end, we are going to pick a subject and send some thoughts back and forth during the day, and then set it up here once we decide to be done. I hope this will turn out to be fun and thought-provoking, but it stands a good chance of being boring for anyone but the two of us. With that note of disclaimer, here is our first post.

T.L.Bear – Hello, my dear! I hope everything is going well with you, and that you are having a good day at work. I almost started this with “Hello, my deer” because the moose is a member of the deer family, and because I like lame jokes. But instead I will just tell you about how I almost did that, which probably isn’t the best idea either. So, I will just move on.

I thought a fun conversation for our first e-mail post could be our favorite vacation destinations. We can discuss both places we have been and places we would like to go. I think it will be good, fertile ground for thoughts, if only because we love vacationing together (it could also be because we happen to be going on vacation tomorrow). I think I will start by listing my first thoughts as to the five places I would most like to take a vacation:

1. Yellowstone

2. Disneyland

3. Sweden

4. England

5. Mayan Riviera

Well, I just looked at that list and already want to change a few things. But I will send this to you as is so you can start your reply, and fix the list in my next post.

T.W. Moose – Hi Babe. Or in this case should I call you “Cub”? (I like lame jokes too :o). Discussing places we have been and would like to go will be fun, since traveling is one of my favorite things. My list is somewhat similar to yours, with a few exceptions:

1. Yellowstone

2. Disneyland

3. Disney World

4. Hawaii

5. Canada

And since you know I’m a woman and don’t like being limited to only a few choices, I’ll go on:

6. Sweden

7. England/Scotland/Ireland

8. Alaska

9. New York (Manhattan)

10. Italy

Am I missing the point of the game in naming too many? I realized after I made the list that coincidentally, the first 5 are places I have already been and the second 5 are places I would love to go. Here are some comments about each of them:

Yellowstone – This is a given and must be at the top of every list that mentions my favorite things.

Disneyland – This is also a given and should also be at the top of “My Favorite Things” list. However, I decided to put Yellowstone first since it’s closer, cheaper and easier to visit on an annual basis than Disneyland.

Disney World – Amazing. The enormity of it was almost overwhelming. It’s no wonder they called it Disney “World”; it’s ginormous and being there feels like you’ve been removed from the planet and dropped into another universe that is all things Disney. I can’t wait to go again!

Hawaii – I have such fond memories of my first and only trip to Hawaii and have always wanted to take you there, you will LOVE it. Maybe 2010?

Canada – This is my heritage (well, half of it) and I can’t believe I still haven’t taken you there. Especially since I’ve been there a handful of times and for a few years went at least once a year. That’s it, we’re going. Canada 2010. Right after we get back from Hawaii… :o)

Sweden – Obviously I want to visit here. I’m tired of seeing all the gorgeous pictures from your mission and hearing the stories without knowing for myself and sharing in the story telling. Sweden 2011!

England/Scotland/Ireland – Since we’re moving there, we’ll see plenty of it. We can go to Sweden while it’s close, so I guess we’ll be living there by 2011. Right?

Alaska – I’ve always wanted to do an Alaskan Cruise. I guess in February we’ll know whether or not cruises agree with my stomach, then we can decide if we want to do a cruise again or just fly up there directly.

New York – Don’t think I want to do longer than a 4-day weekend or something. I just want to see what it’s like in person.

Italy – via the Disney Mediterranean Cruise? Might as well combine one of our favorite things with a new place to see…

What say you?

T.L. Bear – That is a fantastic list, and a great idea – I don’t think you missed the point at all, in fact, I think you created the point. See, this is why you are my muse (among other, more personal reasons): you have the best ideas. Okay, with the new concepts in place, here are my new lists:

Places I have been before:

1. Yellowstone/Grand Tetons

2. Disneyland

3. Sweden

4. Grand Circle/Four Corners/Mesa Verde

5. Walt Disney World

Places I have never been, but want to:

1. Hawaii

2. England/Ireland/Scotland

3. Canada

4. Mayan Riviera

5. France

And a new list: Places I would like to go after we are done visiting those:

1. Germany

2. Washington D.C.

3. San Antonio

4. Italy

5. Alaska

The comments:

Yellowstone/Grand Tetons – I guess we aren’t going to the Tetons on our vacation this weekend, but we should be able to see them from the car. This would probably be on the top of my list for “Favorite Place in the World.”

Disneyland – I still can’t believe we got married on the 47th anniversary of Disneyland, but didn’t realize it until later. I’m sure either of my brothers (or my mom or dad, for that matter) knew, but I was busy thinking about other things (hint: I was thinking about you). Still, it is appropriate now, as you have joined me in becoming a Disney Nerd. Welcome to Nerdsville – sorry about that.

Sweden – This is self-explanatory. I lived here for two years, and although I was a missionary and not a tourist, I just love this country. I can’t wait to take you there. I already have a touring schedule in mind, but it will take about six weeks to complete, so we will have to save up.

Grand Circle/Four Corners/Mesa Verde – I can’t believe I forgot this earlier. This is a recreation of a vacation my parents took us on not long before we got married. It is also somewhat realistic, unlike the “six weeks in Sweden” fantasy. It includes the Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, and Santa Fe, which are some of my favorite places. Now we just need to work it into our apparently full schedule.

Walt Disney World – This goes without saying, particularly because we are such Disney fans. Strangely, this would probably be higher on my list if we were not going back in nine months or so (sort of like: I know we are going, so I don’t have to wish we were quite as much).

Hawaii – You have been threatening to take me to Hawaii since we met, and I’m game. But you neglected to indicate your favorite island. Is it Poopoolotta? My desire to go has waned just a bit since I became aware of my allergy to pineapples, but I will make the sacrifice and go if you want. :^) The year 2010 sounds about right, if I’m being honest.

England/Ireland/Scotland – I’m glad you included the other countries in your list, as it gave me a chance to update mine. My recent (and surprisingly intense) passion for England has not made me forget Ireland or Scotland, after all. In years past I would have neglected England on this list entirely, and probably just gone for Scotland. Unfortunately for you, we will need to visit Birmingham when we are in England. I write “unfortunately” because while it is a very important and nice city, Birmingham is not really one of the tourist hot spots. However it is the home of Aston Villa FC, and Villa Park; and a pilgrimage to the homeland is required of all adherents before they can be considered true disciples.

Canada – You covered everything I wanted to say about this, so good job! You being half-Canadian (and our children will be one-quarter Canadian) gives this added importance. You know, the Winter Olympics in 2010 are in Vancouver… Of course, you are more of a Calgary girl, so maybe we can borrow Doc Brown’s Delorean and go back to 1988. Either that, or not let the Olympic schedule decide when we go to Canada. Whatever, I’m breezy.

Mayan Riviera – This is partially for the book (Ed. Note: Nate is writing a book, and they often refer to this mythical item as “the book.” It’s mythical because nobody is really sure whether it exists or not.), but also because it is beautiful and has lots of that history stuff that I like so much.

France – I almost went with Italy, so I could be like you, but for some reason I wrote “France.” I have heard that most of the French can’t stand American tourists and that waiters spit on you if you don’t order in the local dialect. In fact, the only redeeming thing I can think about the French right now is their golden brown Fries, and I’m just so-so with those, as you know. Wait, there is Disneyland Paris, I guess. Oh yeah, and the finest museums in the world, the Eiffel Tower, Paris, Lyon, Eze, and the incredible natural beauty. I guess that makes up for everything else. (Incidentally, are the French really so rude, or is that just something made up by Spain’s tourism office? We should ask your sister, J-Lu.) Maybe when we are living in England, and after we visit Sweden we can go there. If we take the Disney Mediterranean Cruise it stops by France, as well. Two on our list for the price of one! Well, almost – considering the cost of those cruises.

Germany – An interesting thing about Germany is not only do we both have family roots, but lots of people we know have ties there. It’s really beautiful, from all the pictures, and we could just make that a part of our European adventure in 2011-2014.

Washington D.C. – This is a nod to my deep love and interest in history. We will have to do this one once we get back from Europe, so maybe, 2015?

San Antonio – I guess this one should have gone on the “Places I have been before” list, but I still want to take you there. Maybe we can combine this with New Orleans, because everyone says we need to go there. We can do some rootin’ and tootin,’ or whatever.

Italy – Great combo idea, but I’m not sure if the Disney Cruise goes to Florence. That would be my favorite city to see, although I wouldn’t mind visiting any of the big ones (Rome, Venice, Milan, Turin, etc.).

Alaska – I agree with this one, and it could get bumped up my list in short notice if your motion sickness cooperates during our upcoming cruise. I would also love to take a fishing trip to Alaska.

Okay, sorry for how long that was, but it’s an exciting subject. One thing is for sure – we need to become independently wealthy in a very short amount of time. Too bad I don’t have Las Vegas anywhere on my list. Maybe I could bump Hawaii :^)…

T.W. Muse, er, I mean Moose – I have just a few comments to your comments:

Disneyland - If my memory serves me right, we got married on the 43rd Anniversary of Disneyland, not the 47th. (Disneyland 1955, married in 1998 – my math isn’t great but I used a calculator and it says 43… :o) And I am perfectly happy being a Disney “Nerd” with you. There was a giant void in my life before I met you and it must have been that I was missing out on Disney all this time! (Or it could be that you are the love of my life and YOU actually filled the void… :o)

Hawaii - I’ve been “threatening” to take you to one of the most beautiful places on the planet? Man, am I scary! JK I think it’s more like I’ve been wishing I could take you there. It’s hard to say what my favorite island paradise was. My first thought is Kaua’i, it was absolutely beautiful. But they were all breathtaking. I would say either Maui or Kaua’i, I guess. So when we go, we’ll have to island hop a little. Oh, and by the way, there isn’t a “T” in the Hawaiian language, so though I appreciate your attempt at making sure “poop” was in our blog, “poopoolotta” does not and could not exist. A+ for effort though. And I thought your allergy to pineapples was only if you ate them, not if you looked at them or stepped foot on an island that produced them. It’s not like you are required to consume your weight in pineapples while you’re there. In fact, when I was there I didn’t even like pineapple and didn’t eat even a piece and I survived. Of course, my tastes have changed a bit and I’m looking forward to scarfing down some fresh pineapples while we’re there.

England/Ireland/Scotland – I am perfectly happy to visit Birmingham, my love. You should know me well enough that I don’t care if it’s not a big tourist hot spot. In fact, that makes it even more appealing. Maybe we can squeeze in a Villa game while we’re there. In fact, I think we should plan our trip around the English Premiere League season (does is actually start and end or is it just 12 months a year?) so we can for sure go to a game. Of course, if we’re living there, hopefully we’d have lots of opportunities to go to a game. I’m “game”! (Again, totally lame joke…)

Canada – I do love Calgary. I’ve never been to Vancouver but it’s sounds great too. However, our trip to Canada will most likely be with my family so we’ll probably just stick to the Alberta Province. It’s beautiful, you’ll love it. I can’t wait to see 360 degrees of flat fields and giant grain elevators protruding here and there. Our northern neighbors sure have a great view of the stars!

Mayan Riviera – Yes, please write the book so we can go visit. It will be a research trip for the sequel…

France – I would definitely love to visit all those places in France and refuse to shower while I’m there, just to fit in so I don’t look so much like a tourist. :o))

Germany – I’ve never really “wanted” to go to Germany, but mostly because the language sounds so hokey and the Lederhosen look stupid. I’m sure it’s beautiful and we’ll probably drive through on our multi-month tour of Europe.

Washington D.C. – A must! And let’s add Philadelphia to that trip too. Seeing Independence Hall was a neat experience and I always wished you could have been with me.

T.L. Bear - I am glad to see that two things have not changed in our 10+ years of courtship and marriage. First, my math skills have remained on a consistent level ever since we first met (and if I’m being honest, ever since elementary school). Second, as always, I like to add the word “poop” to just about everything. I don’t think I have slipped it past you even once - I think you are 100% in catching and rolling your eyes at my poop references. Your thoughts, as always, are sublime, and thank you for agreeing to attend a Premiere League match with me (among all the fun other vacations, of course).

I am also glad to be the one who filled the giant void in your life, and that is very sweet of you to say. Thank you, and I hope you know I feel the same way. On that subject, as I look up from the keyboard at home I can count nine different items of Disney paraphernalia strung around one little corner of our house. That’s just on this desk.. Are you SURE that void in your life wasn’t filled by Disney?

It has been a few weeks since I last posted, although my Utah Jazz Manifesto was long enough to make up for it. I also appreciate and sympathize with anyone who read it. I wouldn’t say that I got in trouble, exactly, for my burst of prolificity, but The Wandering Moose expressed her displeasure with having to read something so lengthy. In the past version of this blog she would have simply ignored it and been happy, but she feels a bit more ownership now that her name is on the blog, and wants to make sure that the product is acceptable.

TWM also predicted that nobody would want to read something I wrote that was that long, which turned out to be true. This has caused me no end of concern, as I am currently writing a book that is already many times longer than the post in question, and I would like people to read that someday. To be fair, there is a clear difference in an actual book and a foolish, self-obsessed blog post – but that didn’t keep me from worrying about it for a few days.

I posted that poor decision the day before what would be the final Utah Jazz game of the season, which would then be followed by one of the strangest things that has ever happened to us. The evening went like this: we watched the game until late, due to an 8:30 PM starting time here in Salt Lake City. The Utah Jazz lost, ending their season, which was unfortunate. But, they didn’t play well enough to win, and there were too many “absent” players, and the officiating in the fourth quarter was rousing, to be kind about it. The fact that the Jazz couldn’t hit a shot through the entire game, and Odom, Gasol and Fisher looked like Hall-of-Famers instead of famous chokers didn’t help, and, and… well, nothing. I sense a rant coming on, which I thought I had all out of my system. I will end it here, so I don’t find myself on the wrong end of another “manifesto.” Better luck next year, Jazz.

Anyway, after the game we were feeling sad about things (well, I was feeling sad – TWM was doing okay) and we ate a very late dinner while watching a few TV shows recorded on our DVR. Neither of us had really noticed how late it had become, because we were enjoying each other’s company, and it was Friday night with no early responsibilities the next day. It was about 1:15 AM, and that was when the aforementioned “strangest thing” happened.

It started as a very long noise of squealing tires, followed by a tremendous, extended crashing sound. This was the general effect:

RRRRRrrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRT

Crashcrashcrashcrashcrashcrashcrashcrash

Most disquieting for us is that it seemed to be coming from just outside our door. I ran (well, jogged) to the window and TWM sprang to the door. We discovered that it actually was coming from right outside of our door – a white Ford Mustang surrounded by a cloud of dust was in the middle of our front yard. We saw it back up and go tearing out to the street, and then disappear around the nearest corner.

We spent the next hour calling the police (I made my first call to 911 – which was thrilling in its own way), consoling the driver’s hysterical girlfriend, theorizing with the neighbors, and assessing the damage. We also watched as the yard demolition specialist returned in his Mustang to see what he had done, followed by one of our neighbors chasing him down the street to get his license plate.

The good news was that nobody was hurt, and in fact, there was minimal damage considering what could have been. Our neighbor’s chain link fence was mangled, and there were some tire marks left in the grass, but nothing critical. We found out at the time that he had been drinking, had a shouting match with his girlfriend, leaped into his overpowered car, and sped off to show his displeasure. We guessed that he swerved to avoid a big truck parked on the corner of our street, overcorrected (to say the least) and blasted through the fence.

Once the adrenaline high was over and after a thorough flashlight inspection, we determined that just about everything was fine, and had a good chuckle about it. We ended up turning in at about 3:00 AM.

The police found the driver the next day, and soon discovered that he wasn’t carrying insurance (which didn’t really surprise us, considering) and that he had stopped paying for his car several months ago. This meant that he was basically driving a stolen car without insurance. It was also an interesting conclusion to a rather bizarre night.

I have a few more things to write about, but I will end this here so I don’t make the same mistake as last week. More to come soon.

***WARNING – DO NOT READ THIS***

Sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was: Feel free to read this, but it is long for a blog post and probably not very entertaining unless you are a serious sports fan (and possibly not even then). Please be advised.

Game Five of the Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Lakers series took place yesterday (it was going to be “tomorrow” and then “today” but I didn’t get around to posting this until the afternoon following the game) and it was another road loss for the Jazz. The Lakers lead the series at 3-2, of course, with the home team winning all games. The Jazz will be eliminated if they don’t win both of the next two games, and they haven’t won in Los Angeles since Gerald Ford was President (or something like that – the national broadcasters mentioned it about 670 times last night, but I managed to ignore them every single time).

There is this much to say – whether or not I think they will make it past the Lakers (I don’t), it is very clear to me that the Utah Jazz are a legitimate, realistic title contender. For the next few years, presuming they keep all of the necessary pieces together and improve in a few positions, they stand a very realistic chance of competing for the title, if not outright winning it. Wouldn’t that be an interesting facet to the Williams-to-Boozer versus Stockton-to-Malone comparative arguments? Within 10 years of their last trip to the finals they are back to being one of the three or four best teams in the league, with an almost entirely different roster. That would be pretty impressive for any organization, not to mention the team in the smallest market in the NBA, and one of the few (if not only) major professional franchises that multiple players will openly and publicly refuse to sign with. The only constant in all of that success is the ownership and the most important parts of the coaching staff. Maybe there is something to Larry Miller’s insistence on backing his coach, even in tough times.

[Note: The league also needs to stop ignoring Jerry Sloan for his long, long overdue Coach of the Year award. The argument that it isn’t a “lifetime achievement award” is a cop-out, and ridiculous. If that was really the reason voters don’t think Sloan is a viable candidate, then why is he the only coach in the top 10 for career wins who hasn’t received one?]

There are four subjects I would like to briefly write about, and then I will move on to one other thing before the merciful end:

1. Officiating – I am writing this during a very zen-like calm moment, so I will be much, much more reasonable about the officiating than I am during the games. The Wandering Moose (who is a huge sports fan in general and Jazz fan in particular – please forward your declarations of jealousy to me) and I have expressed the opinion that we don’t know how players manage an entire basketball season without throwing a punch at the officials sometimes. There must be a level of understanding between the players and officials that I don’t see, because I can’t ever remember it happening, at any point in my years of watching basketball. Either that or the punishment for doing so must be overwhelming (lifetime ban?).

I think the best officiated game of the series so far has been game 3 in Utah. I know it is hardly a surprise that I liked a home game with a few preferential calls benefiting the Jazz, but I also think the officials were the closest to calling it fair on both sides. Right now, in this zen-calm, I know that officiating is a difficult job and I really don’t believe they go into a game intending to call it one way or another. But they do fall into the blunders of anticipating contact, correcting mistakes or complaints with make-up calls, giving preferential treatment to star players (and “star teams,” on occasion), and allowing biases/crowds to color their judgment. In other words, they are just like any other fan.

The problem is they should be better than the fans. They travel a lot and work hard at their jobs, but they aren’t being paid to watch basketball. It is their job, for which they are well-paid to be as invisible as possible. This is very difficult at times, because every single fan, no matter what team they follow, complains about the officials. They are often forced to make difficult calls that could change the outcome of a game, and every single player in the NBA, no matter what he says in post-game interviews, exaggerates to try and draw fouls.

So, I understand the difficulty of the position. It’s not easy – I get that. However, when Andrei Kirilenko plays great defense on Kobe Bryant, cuts him off from driving to the basket by moving his body (as he is supposed to do), and Kobe stiff-arms AK in the stomach while trying to make a move, that is a foul committed by Kobe. I don’t care if he is the MVP and I don’t care how badly his back hurts. Calling a blocking foul on AK is incorrect, and involves at least two of the blunders mentioned above. As my dear Moose said as we were watching the play: “That’s too bad that Andrei fouled Kobe’s hand with his stomach.” One or two calls like that over the course of a game are understandable. But call after call going against your favorite team turns a rational, zen-like fan into a blustering, hollering fool. My wife doesn’t like me at that point – heck, even I don’t like myself at that point. All I am asking for is fairness. A touch foul should go both ways. Three seconds in the key should be called on both ends. A driving foul is a driving foul, regardless of the uniform.

In a related point, I rarely notice such a high level of bad officiating when I watch games that do not involve the Utah Jazz. That means either the league only sends the worst officials to games involving the Jazz (possible), or I am letting my passion cloud my judgment. Perhaps it’s best if I don’t investigate that too much.

2. The Utah Jazz are a dirty team – I grow weary of hearing this argument from the national broadcasters and commentators. The way the Jazz play, which is a very physical game with a lot of picks and contact, is not inherently “dirty.” More to the point, they have played the game that way ever since Jerry Sloan took over coaching responsibilities, so I don’t understand why it has become one of the go-to stories of the playoffs. Actually, scratch that, I do understand why; it’s because very few of the national broadcasters have bothered to watch the Jazz during the year, so they have no idea what to make of this team. I don’t blame them – I can’t pretend to analyze any other team besides the Jazz, because I have no idea how they play or who their key players are. But the national guys need to say something, so they find one storyline, regardless of accuracy, and parrot that.

In fairness, I don’t think I have heard any of the national broadcasters actually use the term “dirty,” but they do say “physical” quite often, and that it’s a cheating tactic – using terminology like “the Jazz play more like a football team than a basketball team.” The commentators say it, the players mimic that in their post-game interviews, and suddenly the Jazz are thugs of the highest order.

I don’t see it. I mean, I see body contact and frequent bumping or the occasional shove. I see and have seen the screens and fouls, and Carlos Boozer’s two-hands-in-the-back trick during rebounds. These are part of the reason why more fouls are called on the Jazz than any other team in the league. What I don’t see is why this qualifies as “dirty” basketball. Truth be told, I see it on both sides. Physical contact is part of the game. But for some reason, that hard-nosed grittiness is admirable and acceptable when the San Antonio Spurs or the Detroit Pistons do it. Or the Rockets or Lakers, for that matter.

Coaches and players in both series have done their best to vilify the Jazz for their physical play. Tracy McGrady and Rick Adelman complained about how the Jazz were bumping McGrady when he got the ball on the perimeter, and how they would clog the lane with big bodies when he drove to the basket. Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson have said very similar things. Does that mean the Jazz are supposed to let two very dangerous players shoot whenever they like, and drive to the basket unopposed? I know the respective coaches would like that, but it doesn’t make much basketball sense.

3. Arguments founded in ignorance – Message boards are an interesting way to communicate with other basketball fans around the country, and as one might imagine, they can become pretty heated. I rarely read the boards, though, because the attacks tend to become personal in nature (and often about Mormons, which is surprising for a sports message board until you think about it) when discussing the Utah Jazz. I do like spirited interplay between fans, though, and every once in a while a few well-written and thoughtful posters submit a series of comments that are very enjoyable to read.

I have come to find that there are intelligent, fair-minded fans of every team in the league (I know – I was surprised, too), and many of them are quick to praise the opposing side while still maintaining their credible arguments as fans. There are also plenty of socially handicapped dorks who only post messages to taunt other fans, but that’s all right. Sometimes these are funny, and earn a chuckle from me, even when aimed in the general direction of Salt Lake City. There is vitriol, too, but that goes mostly ignored by the free-thinking posters and only combated by the fellow insult slingers. Following a message board is always an exercise in selective reading.

[Note: I almost never post on well-known comment boards and message boards for two reasons. First, most of the arguments have either been debated to the final degree, or are hardly worth the time it takes to respond. For example, the following comment was posted last night after the L.A.win: “The Lakers would have swept the Jazz if the refs would just let them play.” How do I respond to that? How does one write the noise of me spitting soda all over my keyboard in shock? What is the proper spelling of a wide-mouthed-but-silent gasp? You see the problem. Second, I always feel awkward replying to some of the screen names. Instead of conversing with your average Bob or Sue, it’s: “You make a good point, roundrockmonster69…” or “I don’t agree with your opinion, KB24EVER…” Then again, I call myself “The Lumbering Bear” on this blog and don’t have any problems posting here, so maybe I should just stop writing about it.]

Anyway, there are always goofy, nonsensical arguments from the morons, but one point crops up quite often by otherwise bright posters, and I think it just makes them look dumb. If this was just a message board phenomenon, I don’t think I would even bother mentioning it. But I have heard the point asked as a question several times in post-game interviews during the Lakers series, coming from what must be properly-accredited media. People who should know better, in other words.

The point usually comes after the Utah Jazz win, and it has been made by fans from every team: “The Jazz played a perfect game tonight, and still only beat the (fill in the team) by 5. (Fill in the team again) shouldn’t be concerned – they are that much better than Utah.”

It’s often phrased in a different way, but it is always wrong. Just using the Lakers series as an example, the message boards were prickling with that argument after the Jazz won game three. Then, someone asked Phil Jackson whether the Lakers were nervous about game four, and led up to the question with something about how the Jazz had played a perfect game that night.

I was astounded to hear that question asked by someone who is paid to understand the NBA. If it’s coming from the fans, you can interpret it as: “I don’t think my team played very well, and I think yours did. So, because it was close, my team is going to destroy yours if they can get it together.” I understand that. People say and write a lot of foolish things after their team submits a disappointing loss (take this manifesto as exhibit A). But from an actual, living, breathing journalist? That tells me that he has either lost his ability to be objective, and should be fired, or doesn’t spend time following the league, and should be fired.

You know, if Deron Williams scores 25 points and has 10 assists (as he did last night), that is a good game, and a little above his average in scoring, but by no means is it “perfect.” Carlos Boozer has registered one good game in the Lakers series, and even though he doubled his average in rebounds in that effort, I would hardly call him “perfect” in that game. I know people don’t mean literally perfect, as in they didn’t miss a single shot and didn’t commit a single foul, but it is still an attempt at basketball elitism.

If the Utah Jazz played a “perfect” game, meaning Boozer and Williams both contributed to the very limit of their ability, Memo made a very high percentage of his shots and contributed some interior defense, Kirilenko was everywhere on the court (blocking shots, deflecting passes and getting inside on offense), the Jazz bench made a strong impact and brought energy to the floor, Brewer played tough defense without fouling, rebounds were very high, turnovers were very low, every basket was assisted… I mean, if we are really talking about a perfect game from a realistic standpoint, the Jazz would destroy the Lakers – or any other team in the league – on any floor.

The same is true of every team in the NBA. I have seen the Jazz play “perfect” games (there was a certain home win against the New Orleans Hornets this year that I would consider in that category, and I was even at the game), and I have seen perfect games played against the Jazz. It doesn’t happen often, because there are so many variables, but there isn’t much an opposing team can do about it. They just try to not get injured and take their beating well.

4. Why doesn’t Utah love Derek Fisher? – Can we ask all national broadcasters and commentators to retire the “I can’t believe Derek Fisher is being booed by the Utah crowd” shtick? I fully acknowledge, as a fan, that he made some memorable contributions to the 2006-2007 regular season, and had a very heartwarming entrance to a home game in the playoffs last year. I also confess I was sad to see him go. He left on good terms with the team, and I thought Larry Miller did a very decent thing to cancel his contract. There. Are you happy, Hubie Brown (and others)?

I would very much like to hear a logical argument why we, the fans of the Utah Jazz, should continue to cheer for him. For the record, I don’t think he leveraged his difficult family situation to get out of Utah, even though he actually moved 700 miles further away from his daughter’s doctor in New York. But apparently they have better hospitals in Los Angeles (sorry, Primary Children’s Hospital and Shriners Hospital for Children). Besides, he left several millions of dollars on the table when he broke his contract, and he was trying to make a good decision for his family. I can respect that. I still admire Derek Fisher as a man and a father.

However, he was on record just after his trade from Golden State that he did not want to come to Utah. He explained later that it was more from the shock of being traded, but it didn’t sit well with some fans, and now we are not certain that he wasn’t glad to leave. The situation here in Utah was not going to improve for Fisher. He certainly would have started as the shooting guard this year, but his minutes would be cut if the Jazz wanted to start bringing Ronnie Brewer into the mix. He may have picked up some extra minutes backing up Deron Williams, but the Jazz were not about to cut D-Will’s numbers to appease D-Fish.

But Fisher still had enough game left to be a starting presence on a good team. He is a key role player on the Lakers, after all. With the Jazz, he was about to be relegated to several years of decreasing minutes in supporting roles. I think he would have been a great bench player, maybe one of the best in the league, but it still would have been the bench. With that in mind, I don’t think it broke his heart to leave. He may have liked the community and the team, but it was a good decision for him.

So now he returns to face the Jazz and the Utah crowd, and he is playing for the Lakers, of all teams. Not only playing, but starting, and making contributions to what may be the best team in the NBA. Fisher is burying three pointers like he isn’t capable of missing, and playing obscenely intense defense against a fantastic guard (neither of which, by the way, do I remember from Fish while he was wearing Jazz colors). Are we, the Jazz fans, supposed to cheer for that? He leaves the team and comes back in enemy colors, and we are supposed to be happy for him? Why? The very idea is ridiculous.

All that really leaves is his daughter’s tragic illness, which has nothing (or very little, in this case) to do with basketball. Should we cheer for a now-opposing player because he struggles with difficult family challenges? I have no problem maintaining a soft spot in my heart for Fisher because of his decency and family values, but what does that have to do with the playoffs? There is more than one player in the NBA who faces similar challenges with his family – Carlos Boozer, for example. Should Cleveland fans cheer for Boozer when he plays against his former team? Because he left under very similar circumstances, with his minutes about to be cut and the coach letting him know that he was going to be a third-tier role player. Yes, there was a lot of sneakiness and underhandedness to that whole transaction (some of it on Cleveland’s part), but hey, he has a sick kid! Cheer for him!

No self-respecting Cavaliers fan (or Lakers fan, or Rockets fan, or any non-Utah fan) would be cheering for Boozer, no matter what his family problems may be. Nor would I expect them to. A one-time favorite player is now in enemy colors and fighting his hardest to keep my team from winning. For that, I say boo.

This final section is “The Lumbering Bear Awards – Utah Jazz Playoff Edition,” which I chose to do because it sounded like fun to write and I had a few ideas for it. If you are still reading (unlikely), I would love to hear your ideas.

First Round – Utah Jazz vs. Houston Rockets

Player from the Opposing Team I Would Most Like to See Play for The Utah Jazz: He was not very popular around my house a few weeks ago, but I have to go with Shane Battier. He’s a cerebral, hard-working swingman who doesn’t need to score in order to stay in the game. He plays tough defense on the other team’s best perimeter player, and when the Rockets needed a three-pointer, he always seemed to make it. I don’t like the fact that he is a Level 74 Flop Master, but everyone flops these days, so I would overlook it.

Player from the Opposing I Team Would Least Like to See Play for The Utah Jazz: Bobby Jackson. He used to run circles around John Stockton back when The Master was at his creakiest. He would probably be a valuable bench player in the vein of Derek Fisher, but I would have a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

Player I Suspect Irritates His Teammates by Trying to Show off His Basketball Knowledge and Always Telling Them What to Do: There may be more candidates for this than I realize, but I have to give it to Rafer Alston. He spent the entire first two games injured and pouring out basketball knowledge to Yao Ming, who was beside him on the bench (Yao’s response to everything: “Huh?”) He seems to really enjoy being the player who gets interviewed between quarters, so he can lay down some high-level jargon.

Player That Is the Most Fun to Imitate: There is no better choice in the entire league for this award than Dikembe Mutombo. I know it’s not very original, and the whole joke has been done to death, but every time he made a play or the announcers said his name, I said “cooookieeeee!” in my best Cookie Monster voice. In other years this award would go to Tracy McGrady, and the imitation would be accomplished by half-closing my eyes for the entire game.

Coach That I Found More Amusing When He Had the Adolf Hitler Mustache: This is obviously an award for Rick Adelman, but Phil Johnson could give him a run for his money if he decided to try something new.

Player That Looks the Most Like An Unattractive Woman: At first I considered Kyle Korver for this award, but then I saw his parents on television, and he happened to look quite a bit like his mom. Now, the odds of anyone in the Korver family reading this are astronomical, but I still didn’t want to imply that his mom was unattractive, as she was a lovely woman. So, instead, I will go with Luis Scola. He’s a better choice, anyway.

Player I Would Least Like To Sit Behind If I Splurged For Expensive Third Row Seats In The ES Arena: Yao Ming is a good choice because of his height, but I am actually going to go with Kyrylo Fesenko. Not only is he tall and broad, but one of the only other Ukranians I have ever met smelled like bad cabbage and garlic. I am not saying that Fes has that problem, but I would rather not find out.

Player with Whom I Would Most Like To Have a Dinner Conversation: There are a lot of very intelligent players on both teams, and I am such a fan of Deron Williams that I would have a hard time passing that up. But, I may have to give this one to Dikembe Mutombo again, just for humorous reasons.

Conference Semifinals – Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Lakers

Player from the Opposing Team I Would Most Like to See Play for The Utah Jazz: None. Well, that’s not exactly correct, because when they are not playing the Jazz I like Ronny Turiaf’s game. He’s another tough, high-energy player that doesn’t talk a lot but plays hard every possession. Ronnie Price’s forehead may disagree with my choice, though.

Player from the Opposing Team I Would Least Like to See Play for The Utah Jazz: With the entire roster to choose from, I have to go with the completely unused Chris Mihm. Nothing against the former Texas standout, but I would like to see the Jazz move further away from the “Big, Slow, Clumsy Center” era. They are going in the right direction, but they have to be careful about backtracking.

Player Who Terrifies Me the Most When the Ball Is in His Hands: Any of the Lakers big three of Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom would be great for this. All three have spent much of the last five games dismantling whatever interior defense the Jazz may have had. But, I have to give this one to Carlos Boozer. I have hope that things will change down the road, though.

Player I Would Most Like To See Shot Out Of A Cannon And Not Worry Too Much About Whether The Net Is In Place To Catch Him: Sasha Vujacic. Plus, instead of one of those circus cannons that the Ringling Brothers use, I would prefer it be a heavy mounted cannon on a US Navy warship. Ironically, we named our dog Sasha several years ago, and now on occasion when she is being a “bumface” (our cutesy word for stubborn) I call her “Sasha Vujacic.” (Disclaimer: I really don’t wish him or anyone else physical harm – and I suppose this is a very, very backhanded compliment for how tenacious he is. By tenacious, of course, I mean obnoxious.)

Player Who Is Technically More Handsome than His Father, But That Isn’t Saying Much: Ron Brewer, former NBA player, is a reasonably handsome man. In a funny twist of fate, the elder Brewer played with Bill Walton, who is not handsome, reasonably or otherwise. Luke Walton is Bill’s son, and the runaway winner of this award.

Player That Has Never, Ever Committed a Foul: It’s really admirable that Pau Gasol can play so many years in the league and never do anything wrong. We should give him some sort of award or something. Besides this one, I mean.

Coach That Really Enjoys Talking Over the End of Reporters’ Questions: Jerry Sloan. I laugh every time he does it.

Player That Has the Most Unlikely Tattoo on His Shoulder: With the drastic increase in tattoos among NBA stars, this one is a little more difficult. Deron Williams, for example, has some sort of wild panther on his shoulder, with realistic red scratches at the ends of the claws. But the MVP of this category is Kobe Bryant. He has a tiara made out of butterflies on his shoulder (yes, you read that correctly – haven’t you noticed it?), that is even more amusing in High-Definition. I don’t even think I need to come up with a joke for that one.

Player That Has Been Arrogant For So Long That It Doesn’t Even Faze Us Anymore: It’s two in a row for Kobe Bryant, who has never met a condescending remark he didn’t like. I actually catch myself thinking he has grown up a bit, and it’s not as bad as I remember, but then I really listen to what he says and I realize I have just become accustomed to it.

Player That Looks the Most Like A Geico Caveman: Vladimir Radmanovic. He also looks like Peja Stojakovic (good call by T.W. Moose), so it would be interesting to see them do one of those split-face NBA Playoff commercials. So if the Lakers win the series there is at least one thing I can hope for.

So, that wraps up my ridiculous, humongous, Utah Jazz Manifesto. If you happen to have read the entire thing, my thanks to you, and my compliments on your supreme level of patience. I will update this with future posts if the Jazz should happen to progress to the next round, which is good news for anyone who reads Deep Forest Outpost, because such an outcome is unlikely at best.

I really, really wanted to title this post: “Welcome to the Jungle,” and even had it written that way a few times. There were plenty of good reasons for doing that, beginning with the obvious toughness and coolness factor that comes from associating something with Guns ‘n’ Roses, and then . . . well, I guess it was mostly just that, but it was enough.

However, that didn’t exactly fit with the whole Moose and Bear theme we are trying to establish, which is more of a northern hemisphere thing. Besides, this post is supposed to be introducing the new name and theme of this blog, which is Deep Forest Outpost (not Deep Jungle Outpost, in other words). Not that it really matters, one way or another. If not for the first two paragraphs, I suspect most people would have read past the title and not thought much about it. I guess if I’m being honest with myself, I only brought it up so this would sound more like an awesome rock song and less like a Winnie the Pooh story. Of course, as a devoted fan of The Walt Disney Company, I don’t really have a problem with The Pooh – he is a bear, after all.

Anyway, as the self-proclaimed editor of Deep Forest Outpost I have taken the initiative to dole out a few assignments to The Wandering Moose, just to get her blogging career started. She has responded to my instruction and leadership with what could best be described as indifference, although there are some very good reasons for that. For starters, you all know how busy we are between full-time and part-time jobs, volunteer church callings, and family activities (and I am comfortable writing “you all know…” because I can’t imagine someone reading this who doesn’t actually know us). Then, we have the standard cleaning/dishes/laundry stuff to catch up on. When there is a minute to spare, we both have personal projects that demand some time – like the book I am writing, which, at the current rate of progress should be hitting the shelves sometime around 2026. Finally, after all of that, we like to unwind with some leisure activities – most often reading or television watching.

[Note: That is the “official” order of priority, although our leisure activities sometimes move up a level or two. Feel free to roll your eyes and wag your fingers at us for that: we have earned your scorn.]

I am certainly not trying to complain about having full schedules, as I know we have it easy compared to some (meaning: we don’t have kids). Besides, we both like to keep busy doing something, and even on nights when we watch television together, we are both often buzzing away at a personal project at the same time. Because of this, I thought last week’s slate of television would present a perfect opportunity for Amy to write a few thoughts and introduce herself to the blog universe at the same time. So I made a few assignments and dictated them to her, which she took in good humor. This lead to exactly zero blog posts.

I gave her full marks for effort, anyway. She put a few things together and will complete them soon enough, and that’s good enough for me. I understand all too well how easy it is to move a goofy personal blog down in the priority list when you are so busy otherwise. Writing is practically part of my identity, and I didn’t write much last week, either. That doesn’t make her any less excited about the new blog (at least, I hope not), it just means she will get around to her opening post soon enough.

This week may also pose a similar problem, though, as all of the same television distractions from last week will be repeating. Four of Amy’s favorite shows are nearing the end of their seasonal run: Dancing with the Stars (which we call “DWTS” as a cool, insider shorthand name – which is funny because “dee-double-you-tee-ess” is actually six syllables long whereas “dancing-with-the-stars” is only five, so it’s technically an abbreviation but verbally an elongation), American Idol (which we call “AI” for the same reason – not to be confused with Allen Iverson), America’s Next Top Model (“ANTM,” of course, which Amy says quickly and I sometimes think she is saying “Auntie Em”) and Survivor (which we just call “Survivor,” because “S” could really stand for anything). For the record, I always watch AI with her, usually DWTS, sometimes Survivor, and almost never ANTM.

Each of these shows is a minimum of an hour long, and often more. Two of them – DWTS and AI – have hour-long “results” episodes the following day, where the viewing public is told which contestant has been eliminated from the competition. That adds up to a weekly minimum of six hours of television during this busy season. Add to that two playoff games for the Utah Jazz at three hours a pop, and suddenly we have 12 hours of television to watch this week.

[Another Note: this simply wouldn’t be possible without the technology magic of our digital video recorder, which allows us to skip nearly all of the commercials and unnecessary content, and conserve quite a bit of time. We end up actually watching about 40 minutes of DWTS, 45 minutes of AI, 50 minutes of ANTM, 50 minutes of Survivor, and 2 hours of each Utah Jazz game. That’s a total time saving of nearly three hours per week.]

I bring this all up because our new blog name and theme may indicate that we are very active, outdoorsy people. While this is true, to a point, it is also true that we like watching television together, which is a very interactive process for us (meaning we have running dialogue the entire time and laugh at everyone’s expense). But, with summer approaching, we are fortunate to have these time-stealing programs nearing the end of their run and will soon have more time in the evenings for our personal projects. This should hopefully lead to more traveling, sight-seeing, reading, writing, camping, fishing, hiking, and golf; and will certainly lead to more yard work and home maintenance. I suppose we could do without the latter two (although, again, we like keeping busy), but it is the price we pay for being able to do all of the former.

In conclusion, all of this was just a round-about way of explaining why our fun family adventure blog may have a lot of sedentary content like television commentary and movie reviews. Or why I write about sports and/or music quite often. But, if you know me, you may also know that I like meandering paths and scenic routes, so making something longer than it needs to be just goes with the territory. By the way, the meandering/scenic route thing is one of my quirks that Amy often finds annoying, so if you still happen to be reading this, and are finding it difficult to not be irritated, you are not alone. Please accept my apologies.

P.S. – Just two more quick things and then I promise to stop. First: we are going to be purchasing bicycles sometime this week that will hopefully add to our summer fun. I am already anticipating a series of injury reports. Second: I have taken the liberty of adding some biographical information about The Wandering Moose to the “about us” page. Some of it is even true!

Which is really sort of a grim way to begin a blog post, but it is accurate to describe the activity here. After all, this was a totally dead blog, where I hadn’t submitted a new entry in seven months. So much has happened since then, that I am uncertain where to begin updating. I feel a bit like Inigo Montoya in the book/movie “The Princess Bride,” where he comes to the same realization: “Let me explain… no, it’s too much… let me sum up.”

But still, even then I am not sure a summary would serve any useful purpose. I mean, should I try to write a multi-day recap and hit all the main events of the past months? Or should I perhaps just list all of the things that I would have liked to blog about? Would anyone besides me even read that? Actually, I already know the answer to that: not even I would read it.

So, I guess the best thing is to just move forward. This is easy to do, because there are some exciting new changes about to happen with this blog. It will soon make a transition from being a rather self-obsessed collection of my sarcastic comments to a combination travelogue/family blog, which will be a definite upgrade for anyone who ever read it.

The best part is that my soulmate/muse/taskmaster will be joining me in posting, and I am very excited about it. We spent a few hours the other day trying to choose a name for her in the same vein as “The Lumbering Bear,” and I think the winner is: “The Wandering Moose.” We like the parallels, and the fact that the “Lumbering/Wandering” part kind of describes our personalities, as well as alluding to our shared love of being in nature and traveling. At least, we think it does that.

Incidentally, the “Moose” bit is not intended to be an editorial comment. She is not seven feet tall at the shoulder or covered with dark, bristly fur, in other words. Amy is the “Moose” because that is her favorite animal – the same reason I am the “Bear.” My personal, superficial similarity to a bear – the fuzziness and roly-polyness – is strictly coincidental. Or perhaps not… it could be a sort of kindred spirit thing.

Anyway, that is the bright, happy future of this blog. We are still negotiating a name change and will be going for a completely new look, courtesy of the good folks at WordPress. We intend on covering some of the same ground as the old blog by sharing personal adventures and opinions, and will also be writing about some fun vacations we already have planned for this year.

Hopefully, at the very least, we will update more than once every seven months. Lucky for me, The Wandering Moose will now be a part of it, so there is a good chance it will actually get done.

A few months ago my friend Kerim mentioned that we should start a blog together, which I thought was a great idea. He suggested this in the course of an instant messaging conversation, which we were having while he was at home in the Netherlands and I was at work in the United States (still working hard, of course). The Internet does indeed make for a small world.

The product of that conversation is a blog named Nacho Talk, and we are launching it this week. The general theme of Nacho Talk is social and cultural commentary, with viewpoints coming from both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. We take turns posting a weekly article, which will continue to be the format for the foreseeable future (at least until we each become independently wealthy).

Kerim is a great writer who expresses strong, well-considered opinions. That, if for no other reason, would be sufficient for me to feel fortunate being a part of Nacho Talk. However, there is also a definite sense of kindred spirits that underlies this project, as Kerim mentioned in his launch article. It is without doubt a product of the 21st Century: we have never met face-to-face or even spoken to each other. All of our communication has been through e-mail and instant messaging, and yet we have become fast friends.

Anyway, we hope you enjoy Nacho Talk, and thank you very much for reading. Please don’t hesitate to leave comments for the Nacho Talk community to enjoy (hoping, of course, that we can establish a community). We look forward to hearing from you!

I would also like to echo Kerim’s thanks to those who provided valuable feedback during our soft-launch: Kevin, Ben, Phillip, Emma, Gabriele, Joel, Katie, Darren and a couple of others. You guys have been great!

This past weekend, the temperature for Utah sports was hot, cold, and lukewarm, all at the same time. The University of Utah football team was very hot, and looked virtually perfect as they trounced 11th ranked UCLA 44-6. Real Salt Lake managed a lukewarm 0-0 draw against Toronto, but considering they were down a man for most of the game and playing in Canada, the effort was hot. BYU’s offensive statistics were hot (they got in the end zone seven times), but the rest of the team was lukewarm at best (they still lost by more than a touchdown), and the special teams were downright cold. Utah State, sorry to say, is neither hot, nor cold. Following a 54-3 drubbing at the hands of the Oklahoma Sooners, the only word to describe them is: bad. Not bad that they lost to the #3 team in college football – bad that the overwhelming defeat was expected by everyone.

The question lurking in the midst of all this is: which of the many teams we have seen are the real ones? Is Utah the team that is capable of demolishing strong Pac-10 opponents? It wasn’t just a loss, either – Utah beat them in every possible way, and made UCLA hang their heads. Or are they the team that can’t manage more than one touchdown against a lesser-talented (but very hard-working) Air Force defense? Which BYU will take the field next Saturday – the team that worked over Arizona? Or will it be the team that racks up lots of offensive yards but also lots of penalties and turnovers? Even RSL has had flashes of brilliance in the midst of their dismal season. At least Utah State is consistent, even if it is consistently awful.

The upcoming games will provide interesting tests for the two biggest college programs. Utah’s game will not be as much a test of athletic ability as an indication of preparation and concentration. The same team that can wipe out a significant Pac-10 school should have no problems with a bottom-of-the-pack conference foe. If Utah does play well and beat UNLV in Las Vegas, then we have reason to hope they could recover from a shaky start and produce a good-if-not-great season. The injuries have been significant, but Utah has shown that they have enough talent to make up for the missing players.

The Cougars have a bit more significant of a test, hosting Air Force this Saturday. The Falcons are on a tear right now, having beaten the other two “elite” schools in the Mountain West Conference (Utah and TCU) in the past two games. If they could knock off BYU, that would complete the task and put Air Force as the standing favorites to win the conference. Among the problems BYU will face is that Air Force runs an unusual offense designed to keep opposing defenses off-balance. If that sounds familiar, consider this reminder: Tulsa 55, BYU 47. BYU’s defense has been questionable since the Arizona game, and their special teams are just bad. Field position is important when facing a ball-control offense like Air Force, and the Cougars have had their struggles winning that battle. On the other hand, the offense is still high-powered enough that they may just be able to outscore the Falcons. The bottom line is BYU needs to win this game, and if they can do it with convincing defense, the light at the end of the tunnel may not be a freight train after all.
Our Top 3 in Utah for this week:

3. Nick Rimando

2. Darrell Mack

1. Robert Johnson

We all remember where we were, right? Going over a highly suspect, vain, self-congratulatory list that doesn’t interest anyone but me? Okay, great – right back into it then:

Let’s Groove — Earth, Wind and Fire
The very best part of this song is at the start, when the funky robot voice is imploring us to “boogie on down.” Of course, this was recorded back when robots were supposed to be buddies with their human creators, but “The Terminator” and “The Matrix” have ruined all that. Now we live in fear of the day the world will be overtaken by robot masters, and there is nothing funky or boogie-worthy about that. Speaking of lost ideologies, when did the era of fun dance music bands end, anyway? Was Kool and the Gang the last one?

Just Can’t Get Enough — Depeche Mode
I think something happened to Dave Gahan between the time he made this song, and the “Personal Jesus” era. Something that made him decide he was fed up with bright, upbeat, entertaining music. I’m not sure, but it may have been the same vampire thing that got The Cure. Whatever happened, Gahan convinced the rest of Depeche Mode that they would be better off writing dark, heavy music, and they went on to become a huge band and the idols of depressed teenagers everywhere. That is all just conjecture, of course, but I’m pretty good at guessing these things.

Lucky — Britney Spears
Would anyone mind if I just moved on? This song is completely indefensible, and I don’t want to spend more time on it than absolutely necessary. Thank you.

Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old) — Garth Brooks
In the last post I seemed to spend a lot of time writing paragraphs that began with “I don’t like , but…” Well, in this case, I don’t like twangy country music, but I have learned to enjoy a few more mainstream bands and artists in the genre. Garth Brooks is one of those I like, which is odd for me because his music is extremely country – not one of those palatable hybrid country/pop/rock/whatever acts getting radio time these days. (Please note I am trying to ignore the whole “Chris Gaines” thing. You’re welcome, Garth.) I’m not sure if this is my very favorite G-Bro song, but it’s on the short list.

New Sensation — INXS
INXS is an example of a band that made a few upbeat pop songs, sold a few albums, enjoyed the experience, and decided to just keep going along that path. That’s more than can be said for some bands already mentioned on this list, and proves it is acceptable to enjoy worldwide fame and cashing humongous checks. This is one of my favorite songs on the playlist. The first eight seconds of guitar contains more bright and cheery music than entire decades of songs from Depeche Mode and The Cure combined.

Oye Como Va — Santana
True story: my older brother lived in Santiago, Chile for a couple of years and learned Spanish while he was there. When he came home one of my first priorities was to ask him to translate the title of this song for me. The surprisingly boring answer was: “Hear how it goes” (meaning, listen to the awesome beat of this song). This is a cover of a Tito Puente song, although a few significant changes have been made. Like replacing Tito’s brass section with Carlos Santana’s wicked electric guitar, for one. I skip this song almost every single time I have the option.

Poison — Alice Cooper
I have noticed that every time the subject of Alice Cooper the Crazy Rock Star